Archive for April 2010
This morning an exciting chapter in my life began. An exciting, terrifying, wonderfully insane, risky adventure began. In order to be more involved in community and to pursue my soul purpose I have arranged to stay in San Diego for one week out of every month for the next few months. Despite the loving charity of many friends who have encouraged me, and offered gifts both spiritual and physical to help me, I began to have a lot of doubts. My sweet beloved was recently laid off, and we are in a predicament.
At one point, I almost turned the car around. Instead, I began to pray and ask what was wanted of me. I was at the point that I was willing to surrender myself completely to divine will whatever that might be. (I suspected that the plan may well be for me to turn back and support my family, rather than pursue my dreams). As I felt sorrow, and really feeling lack like my dreams drain too much of our family’s resources, I was also aware of my dear friends sorrow on the passing of their beloved friend. My prayer turned to a supplication of comfort for those he left behind.
When I had heard of his transitioning, my first thought had been “I really wish I could ask him right now, if there was any accountability on the other side for being freely sexually expressed here.”
But Wow, Did I get an unexpected response! It was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, and I am still reeling.
As I prayed I felt my heart opening more and more. I felt like pure knowledge was pouring in, not as thoughts, but as feelings. I felt as if only a small part of me remained in my body and the remainder went somewhere else and began downloading.
I saw him surrounded by people. He was smiling, completely at peace feeling so much joy, and could also feel the love being sent from all of his friends still here. He turned and looked at me and said “Tell them to Live High”. (I felt him mean this message to 2 of my dear friends specifically, and the sentiment to everyone else who was mourning him). Then he was gone.
I was then in another room/space/dimension? somewhere and was surrounded by three or four figures (presences). I could not see them, they were bright and I could not see any features. I felt unconditional love pouring from them. The same feeling that I have felt the few times I have felt our Savior close by. I felt as if they were part of my heavenly family, truly divine beings. What followed was passed on to me in feelings instead of words, but I can’t adequately describe the feelings so I will do my best to put it into words.
The work my sex-positive peers are doing is so vital in this place in history. I have always looked at it before like they are such beings filled with love that they are special in Gods eyes despite their work in sexuality. Today in that moment with those divine beings I felt feelings of such intensity that there can be no doubt in my mind; that they are loved. They are thought of as brave, and trailblazers and part of God’s elite/chosen. The host of heaven are rejoicing in their work, and the truths they are spreading around the world.
It was also impressed so strongly upon me that a big part of my purpose is helping as many “light beings” (zen masters/Christian missionaries/sex positive workers/movie stars/my next door neighbor)..the people that are doing they’re stuff, and letting their light shine, know and feel how loved they are. How important the work is they are doing. How proud their divine family is of them. How unique and grand each of their spirits are, and how brave they are to be doing what they are doing. I felt especially drawn to the sex-positive workers at this time because I felt they need this message the most.
For the first time I was actually happy being a “super-fan” it held no negative stuff for me. Because these divine beings, indeed all the hosts of heaven are super fans of my peers…of me.
I felt so cherished and so complete, and completely loved (like I wasn’t lacking anything, I don’t know how to describe it, like everything in that moment was perfect. I was perfect). And the path I have begun is so important and definitely is where I should be right now.
When the experience ended, I was returned to my body and found that I had safely traveled the 30 minutes through the mountain gorge that separates Utah from Nevada (a treacherous drive) without any recollection of doing so. My body had been safely guided through while my spirit was on a most important journey.
As I step into my own path of sex positive empowerment, I treasure and hold dear everything that was transmitted on that day.